A thank-you for a best man, a maid of honour or a bridesmaid
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Being someone's witness is months of work disguised as an honour: the speech, the party, the logistics, the phone calls nobody else heard. The thank-you that lands is the one that acknowledges the friendship rather than the role.
1. Which photo — and it is probably an old one
The reflex is to use a photo from the wedding. It is rarely the right choice, for a simple reason: everyone at the wedding has those photos, and they are about the day rather than about the two of you.
What works better:
- A photo from years before. The holiday, the flat you shared, the terrible haircut in 2014. It says "this started long before the wedding", which is the actual message.
- The morning of the wedding, getting ready — usually taken by a friend on a phone, informal, and far warmer than anything staged later in the day.
- The two of you laughing at something, whenever it was taken. Better than any posed shot of the pair of you in formal clothes.
Technically: use the original file, not a copy from a group chat — a photo forwarded around a wedding group has been recompressed several times, and on a framed print that is visible.
2. The photographer's pictures are not yours
This catches a lot of people, and it is worth being plain about.
Photographs taken by the wedding photographer belong to the photographer, not to the couple who paid for the day. Buying the album, the prints or the digital files gives you the right to keep and share them in the way the contract describes — it does not automatically give you the right to reproduce them on objects.
In practice most photographers say yes if you ask, especially for a private gift, and it takes one message. If you would rather not ask, use a photo taken by a guest, by you, or from before the wedding — which, as above, is usually the better photo anyway.
3. What to write
Two first names and the year. That is the version that still reads well in five years, on a shelf, to someone who was not there.
Two things to resist. A long sentence, which ages badly. And an in-joke printed large, which is very funny in the room on the day and quietly awkward on a bookshelf two years later — the good place for the in-joke is the card, not the object.
Check the spellings. Names get heard far more often than they get written.
4. Which object
| They… | Then… | From |
|---|---|---|
| Display photographs at home | A framed print — delivered assembled, ready to hang | $55.00 |
| Would use it rather than hang it | A mug. Every morning, for years. | $23.00 |
| Are out constantly | A tote bag — the least formal version | $35.00 |
| Are four people, not one | A pack of 10 postcards, or four mugs. From 10 items, −10% automatically. | $26.00 |
For several witnesses, resist giving all of them the same group photo: a different photo of each of them with you is more work and considerably better.
5. Before or after the wedding?
After — and this is the single most useful thing on this page.
On the day itself, the gift arrives into a pile of presents, cards and envelopes, is opened in a hurry, gets a warm thank-you and is put on a table. Nobody's fault; there is simply too much happening.
Three weeks later, everything has gone quiet, the photos have been shared, the group chat has moved on — and a parcel turns up with a framed photograph of the two of you from eight years ago. That is the one that is remembered, and it costs exactly the same.
It also has a practical advantage: you can use a photo from the wedding itself, which did not exist when you would have been shopping.
6. When to order
Two weeks, plus a margin, if it has to be there for a date. Printing to order takes 5 to 10 working days in the UK, Europe and the US and up to 15 elsewhere. If you are giving it after the wedding, there is no deadline at all — which is another argument for waiting.
In short
- A photo of you with them, usually from long before the wedding.
- The photographer's pictures need the photographer's permission.
- Two first names and a year. Keep the in-joke for the card.
- Frame to display, mug to use, postcards for several witnesses.
- Give it three weeks after the wedding, not on the day.
Before you order, the preview is computed in your own browser and nothing is transmitted; the print file goes to the printer at payment and is deleted after dispatch. Personalised items are exempt from the standard European right of withdrawal (Directive 2011/83/EU, article 16(c)), and anything that arrives damaged is reprinted at no charge.
Frequently asked questions
What should I give my best man or maid of honour?
Can I use the wedding photographer's pictures?
Before the wedding or after?
What should I write on it?
Which object?
How long before should I order?
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